Despite my encouragement in the past few articles to exercise the virtue of hospitality for the sake of evangelization, I don’t want us to get caught up in the “entertainment” culture that sees the table setting as the most important thing. Evangelization is about relationship. However you do it – whether at home or out in public together, whether with or without food – the key to Catholic evangelization is to create a relationship with people through which your faith and Christ’s love can flow.

When you establish such a relationship and allow your relationship with Christ to be part of who you are, the people you are reaching out to will in one way or another become interested in your relationship with God. Very often, this interest will be expressed in the form of questions. Here is your chance to really bring the truth of our faith to a hungry soul! Here is also where most Catholics feel they have stretched beyond their qualifications. Are you equipped to answer the questions of someone who is doubting the faith but interested in learning more? It’s not as hard as you might think!

You Don’t Have to Be a Theological Genius

The first thing to realize is that you don’t have to know everything in order to be the go-to person for questions of faith.

• Focus first on becoming well-versed in the basics of the faith.
• Next, focus on knowing the answers to the most frequent questions asked by those who doubt the Catholic faith
• Finally, keep sharp by regular learning

Keep It Fun

Learning does not have to be tedious and time consuming. Today’s learning technology offers many ways to learn that can fit into your daily routine. There are also many options that are fun and enjoyable. Check out

• Great CDs from companies like Saint Joseph Communications and Lighthouse Media
• Videos on saints or about heroic Catholicism
• Learning systems and games
• Online classes – like those that will be offered by From the Abbey in the near future!

Work Your Way Toward Serious Study

No, you don’t need to be a theological expert. On the other hand, it sure helps get other people excited to learn about their faith when they see you modeling and sharing that excitement. Additionally, the Catholic intellectual life is incredibly rewarding. Unfortunately, the common perception of anything “intellectual” is the stuffy, somewhat prideful and unintelligible prattlings of academia. The Catholic intellectual life should be anything but stuffy. Why? Because for Catholics the quest for Truth is always animated by the quest for Love. We want to know Truth so that we can know God, and therefore love Him more. Love gives our learning purpose and makes it fun. Serious Bible study and theological study takes on the air of fascination. In a truly Catholic intellectual environment you hear things like, “Oh! That’s how that goes together! I never thought about it that way before!”

Before you write yourself off as not being a “reader” or being too “busy,” be aware that entering into the intellectual life (the life of reading, thinking and dialogue) does require self-discipline, but it is something to grow into. Start small and start learning at your own pace. Make it a bit of a priority, but don’t make it a chore. Find balance. The Catholic intellectual life is accessible to everyone, no matter what your level of intellectual skill, natural learning ability or theological experience.

Let From the Abbey Help

From the Abbey exists for this very reason. I am here to help you for the asking. From the Abbey offers many resources to make the Catholic intellectual life accessible to you – from books & media in the Bookstore to free articles in the Library to affordable and do-able online classes for the average (non-academic) Catholic. My goal is to make learning about the faith accessible and fun for you. Let me know what I can do to accomplish that!

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Listening is one of the most important elements of beginning any relationship, including a new friendship that could lead to welcoming someone into the Family of the Church. Listening is a skill that we can grow in, or be weak in. If we are going to evangelize as Jesus tells us to, we would be smart to sharpen our listening skills.

The Art of Active Listening

At one level that sounds absurd. Of course we can all listen – God gave us all two ears. Even if we are physically unable to hear (I am congenitally hard of hearing myself, plus I’m a guy so even what my ears pick up my brain only hears selectively), we can learn to listen. Listening means receiving the communication of others.

On the other hand, do we listen in a way that makes others truly feel listened to? Do we listen in a way that allows us to dig deeper into the discussion? Are we active listeners?

There are many models of active listening. One comes from the Self Transformation Series found on theosophy.com. Here are the steps to active listening they give.
1. Look at the person, and suspend other things you are doing.
2. Listen not merely to the words, but the feeling content.
3. Be sincerely interested in what the other person is talking about.
4. Restate what the person said.
5. Ask clarification questions once in a while.
6. Be aware of your own feelings and strong opinions.
7. If you have to state your views, say them only after you have listened.

I want to draw your attention to some of the most important elements of active listening.

First, focus on the person without distraction. You cannot listen well if you are bustling around serving and cleaning all the while your guest is there. Organize your time so that the work of hospitality is done before and after the main event, so that you have a long period of uninterrupted time to talk and to listen.

Second, active listening receives the verbal and the non-verbal communications. What are the emotional cues that come with the words? When you discuss the Church, is the person sad, angry, or indifferent? How can you respond to the emotional message? Don’t assume that a person is being combative or indifferent just because their words seem to indicate it. What’s behind the words?

Third, lead the discussion with good questions. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes/no answer. Ask questions that show interest in what the other person is talking about. Ask questions that move the conversation forward (rather than questions that change the topic).

Fourth, accept the person’s views completely before you respond to them. This is especially important if someone starts being negative toward the faith or the Church. Our first impulse is to rush to the defense by arguing. A much more effective way to evangelize is to listen first. Make the person feel listened to. Try hard to understand where the other is coming from. Then, once you have had a chance to cool down and get over the feeling of being offended, offer your feedback. You’ll find that people who feel listened to are much more willing to listen to you. When you do respond, do so with empathy and compassion, but also with the firmness of truth. Keep your response simple and direct. Allow verbal space for the other person to respond.

Keep the Goal in Mind

Of course, active listening is not only for times when you are actually talking about the faith. You can use this skill for any discussion. Whether the topic is religious or not, remember that the goal is not to win an argument. While part of our mission as Catholics is to defend and present the truth, we are more likely to draw people to the beauty of the truth by showing them love. Love and truth always come together.

The goal is (and they happen in this order)

1. to show people that they are loved by showing them that they are listened to.
2. to show them by our witness that our love has its roots in God’s love
3. to lead them to the truth and love of the faith

The art of active listening can help you build that relationship through which God’s love can flow.

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The gifts of love and life are the greatest gifts that we can give. We’ve talked about how the virtue of hospitality, inviting people to participate in our family’s life and love, is key to Catholic evangelization. This article will cover more specifically one of the key elements of hospitality – what Catholic evangelist & catechist Matthew Kelly calls “carefree timelessness.”

The Foundations of True Friendship

There are many things that go into building a true friendship.

Foundations of Friendship

• True friendship is about authentic human love.
• True friendship is built on trust.
• Trust is built on intimacy (true knowledge of each other — to truly know your friend and to truly be known).
• Intimacy is built over time.

It would be very accurate to say that the gift of time is the first gift you give to someone you want to befriend. Time is also the first building block of friendship.

Carefree Timelessness

In a friendship, time isn’t (or at least shouldn’t be) managed time. Our friends deserve more than just an hour or two penciled into our day planner. Isn’t part of the joy of friendship the fact that we can completely lose track of time talking and laughing and just being together?

That’s the same gift that we want to give to people we seek to evangelize. Nothing says that we care about someone more than the gift of time freely given. Let carefree timelessness be your number one rule of hospitality.

Modeling the Italians

Unlike Americans, Italians have the concept of carefree timelessness embedded into their culture. How long do you figure the average American dinner lasts? Thirty minutes? One hour? A true Italian dinner can last up to four hours or even longer. For Italians, eating is all about relationship — spending time together enjoying good food. The meal is served in multiple courses with a lot of time between each course for discussion and digestion.

Your dinner doesn’t have to be multiple courses or last four hours. The goal with carefree timelessness is a relaxed atmosphere in which the clock is forgotten and the focus is on the people. Create an environment where the pressures and demands of the outside world are left outside, where rushing is a distant memory, and where getting things done is the last thing you want to do.

Why Carefree Timelessness is So Important to Catholic Evangelization

I’m sure you can think of many reasons that carefree timelessness is an important concept for Catholic evangelization.

• Carefree timelessness shows that you authentically care
• Intimacy takes time — and time builds intimacy
• Relaxed atmospheres encourage people to be more open about their lives
• With sufficient time to work up the courage, people are more likely to ask you questions about Christ

I would venture to say that carefree timelessness is the real reason that food is the secret weapon of evangelization for Catholics.

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You may have heard (perhaps even from me) that the family meal has become and endangered species, despite the fact that studies show very strongly that eating together as a family is an important way to keep children actively engaged in family life (and therefore away from risky behaviors). Along with the family meal, the virtue of hospitality is also disappearing. It only makes sense. After all, hospitality is simply extending the goodness and comfort of your home to other people. So, if the home ceases to be a place of family community, it also ceases to be a welcome place for others.

While both losses are something to lament concerning our culture, family meals and hospitality are more importantly values that we need to recapture in our own lives.

Evangelizing Through Hospitality

Hospitality can be a key element of Catholic evangelization. The goal of Catholic evangelization is to invite people into the Family of God. What better way to do this than to first invite them into your family?

The family is a sacramental sign of the Family of God. As a sacramental sign, family not only signifies God’s love, it brings that love into the world. The virtue of hospitality invites the “stranger” to partake in your family’s love. The family love that he or she experiences can act powerfully to dispose his or her heart to the love of God’s family.

Exercising the Virtue of Hospitality

So, how do we exercise the virtue of hospitality? There is no real formula. However, here are some general guidelines that you might find helpful:

1. The first step is to build up your own family. Make sure you’re spending time together, eating together, and growing in family love. Of course, every family can use some help growing stronger. I want to recommend a website that I had a hand in creating. It’s called The Parent’s Place. It has a ton of resources for parents at all stages of parenting.
2. Use your gifts. You don’t have to be an amazing entertainer to have a strong virtue of hospitality. The most important thing to share is your time and love. However, we all have individual talents that can boost our hospitality to others. Sharpen those talents. Do you like to cook? Sharpening your cooking skills is easy with resources like Rouxbe, an online cooking school for everyday cooks! Are you a decorator? Get some fresh ideas and beautify your home and your table. Faith and Family Magazine is a great resource for Catholic entertainment ideas.
3. Whatever you do, make it fun and keep it simple. Hospitality does require some level of sacrifice, but it should also be a labor of love. Love makes the work easier and enjoyable. Don’t make it more toil than it needs to be.
4. Take time. The next e-mail will be about giving the gift of “carefree timelessness.” We’ll talk more about the importance of time then. But, the Italians have the right idea. Their dinners can last for hours. Dining is an event for them, not a routine.
5. Remember that it’s all about relationship. The food, the setting, the entertainment is all backdrop for the main event — building relationship. Hospitality is all about invitation, spending time, and building relationship.

The Charism of Hospitality

God considers hospitality (relationships) so important, the Holy Spirit actually gives a special charism to some people for it! Some people have a Spirit-led talent for hospitality, and having people come and enjoy the fruits of their labor is a source of great fulfillment for them. The Church especially needs these people to discern their gift and to step up and evangelize. If you are somebody who really enjoys “entertaining’ guests and who often gets praised despite feeling like what you do is “nothing,” you just may have this special charism from the Holy Spirit. All charisms are for the purpose of serving the Church. How can you use your charism to serve the Family of God?

The Virtue of Hospitality is for Everyone — Just Do It!

Even if you dont’ have the charism – even if frozen pizza and beer is the extent of your cooking skill – we can all grow in the virtue of hospitality – the virtue of reaching out to other people and inviting them to share in the love of family and home. Taking advantage of the hospitality of a restaurant or other public place is fine once in a while, but the hospitality of the home is much more powerful in evangelization.

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In the article, “Guide to Catholic Evangelization,” I talked about the importance of being a model of the faith that will attract people to asking you about your relationship with Jesus. I realize that the advice to model the faith is pretty vague. I tried to be more specific in the article by offering you to characteristics of a disciple of Christ to be sure to model: trust and joy. Upon further reflection, I thought I’d share a bit more about modeling trust and joy, and I thought I’d also take things a bit further and talk about using your unique set of personal gifts to witness to your faith in Jesus as well.

Trusting in God does not mean believing that God will give you everything you ask Him for or that He will keep you from suffering. It means trusting that “all things work for god for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). The true witness of trust is peace in times of trial and suffering. However, trust can also be expressed through gratefulness and praise in times of blessing. Witnessing to your trust in God may mean simply talking about your blessings and trials with a sense of balance and confidence, whether or not you express the source of your calm right away. What do you do if, like most of us, you need to grow in your trust of God? The best way to find peace in God during times of trial and suffering is to foster gratefulness during times of blessing. Additionally, diligent prayer and reading scripture can settle trust into our hearts.

Likewise, the joy that comes from being a disciple of Christ is not a superficial bubblyness that ignores the weighty or important side of life. It is the joy that comes from centering you life in love and hope. Hope is the theological virtue that enables us to trust that God is true to His promises. It is especially confidence that God wants us to be with Him in heaven and will give us the grace necessary to get us there. Hope leads to joy because it gives us a a thirst for Heaven! Heaven is going to be mind-blowingly awesome! Focusing on heaven helps us to put our experiences in this life into proper perspective. For example, physical suffering can not only be endured, but can be a reminder of the fact that we can look forward to an eternity without suffering in God’s presence! In fact, I am convinced that the very reason God gives us aches and pains in our old age is to help us to look forward to heaven. The main source of joy is love. People who love are full of joy because their good is seated in the joy of others. Bringing goodness into the lives of others fills the heart of those who follow Christ.

Finally, your witness to Christ should be as unique as you are! God has given you a unique set of charisms, gifts and talents. He is calling you to use those gifts to serve others. What has He equipped you to do? We often consider our gifts only in relationship to our careers or to our vocations. Have you ever considered your gifts in relationship to evangelization? This application of your gifts may require a bit of creativity, but it can also be a lot of fun! For example, if you have been given the charism of hospitality (we’ll talk about the virtue of hospitality in the next e-mail), think about starting some kind of social group that might attract people who are lukewarm in their faith life. If you are gifted in teaching (whether you are in the teaching profession or not), consider writing a blog or holding an interesting form of study. There is a lot of untapped potential within God’s family simply because God’s children aren’t in the habit of taking inventory of the gifts He gives us and asking Him how He wants us to use them.

There are many other ways to be a witness of our faith. These are just a few that are in my opinion especially attractive to people. Take it to prayer, and perhaps God will give you your own unique way to witness His love to others.

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One question I often receive when I talk about Catholic evangelization is, “Why is Catholic evangelization so different from Protestant evangelization?” The difference actually goes to the roots of Protestantism.

When Martin Luther broke away from the Catholic Church, he founded a theology based on three”sola”s. Sola means “only.”

• Sola Scriptura – Christian truth is based only on scripture
• Sola Fide – salvation is granted to us by faith alone
• Sola Gratia – salvation happens through grace alone

These three theological foundations have been filtered in American history through Calvinist, Puritan and modern evangelical lenses, but they remain essential in all Protestant theology.

So what is the goal of Protestant evangelization? It is to lead people through the three “solas.”

• Get people to read the Bible
• Get people to pray through faith for forgiveness of their sins and to accept Jesus Christ as their “personal lord and savior” so that they can be saved by grace.

The Catholic view of salvation (misunderstood by Martin Luther and apparently mis-represented by Catholic teachers of his time) is far from “sola” anything. We believe in Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. We believe that we are saved by faith and hope and love. We believe that we are saved by grace, but that Jesus both transforms us by grace and invites us to cooperate with grace in order to work out our salvation with Him.

Most importantly, the goal of Catholic evangelization has nothing to do with a formula for salvation. Catholic evangelization is an invitation to a person to enter into (for the unbaptized) or to embrace more deeply (for the baptized) the family of God. We are saved as a family – the Church, the children of God, the adopted brothers and sisters of Christ. Catholic evangelization is an invitation to enter the family of God, and that is why Catholic evangelization is all about relationship.

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Do you want to share your relationship with Jesus with others, but find yourself uncomfortable approaching the subject?

Do you have a loved one who has abandoned his or her relationship with God, and you don’t know how to act around them so that they might come back to faith?

This article may just change that.

What do you think of when you think about evangelization?

* Standing at a street corner yelling Bible verses to people walking by?
* Going door-to-door asking people if they have ever considered where they will go when they die?
* Handing out pamphlets or tracts at a shopping mall and asking people if they are “born again” or “saved”?
* Leading an educational or entertainment program in order to entice people to the faith?

These are the images of evangelization that make most Catholics nervous, and for good reason. These are not images of Catholic evangelization. What is Catholic evangelization?

The good news is that Catholic evangelization is much more natural and comfortable to most of us than the images above. This article shares recommended steps to evangelize like a Catholic.

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How many times have pro-death speakers been invited to speak at Catholic universities in recent years? How much protest did you hear? Last May, Catholic Answers and other groups published long lists of Catholic universities that opened the door for commencement speakers who did not represent Catholic teachings. Protest was fairly limited to these groups and one or two bishops. Suddenly Notre Dame’s invitation to the president draws lay people and bishops out of the woodwork to protest and to stand up for the truth about the sanctity of life.

Archbishop Chaput out of the Archdiocese of Denver offered a statement that beautifully articulates exactly why Catholics are rising up. Is the sleeping giant (the Church, not the bishop) awakening in America? What wonders will God work when His saints finally arise?

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The wife had been nearly bullied into getting a sterilization as a young woman. She was told that there was severe medical need for the sterilization due to the dangers posed by pregnancy complications. She was told, “If you get pregnant again, you will die.” At the time she had only a vague sense that sterilization was wrong. She was hit especially by the permanence of the procedure. She had serious doubts, but in the end she trusted her doctors, family and friends who were all telling her to have the tubal ligation.

Years later, her heart was moved closer to Christ and she was convicted that she had committed a serious sin^T. Eventually her husband joined her conviction and together they sought out a way to right the wrong by getting the sterilization reversed. Of course, they met with serious opposition from doctors who said, “Why would you want to do this? You have two kids. You don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. Why go back?” But they persisted and eventually found help through One More Soul. The operation was successful.

It was a beautiful story of conversion and restitution. The couple went through quite a trial (not to mention major surgery) to undo their sin. Their suffering and struggle was part of their restitution. Restitution is part of the conversion process, which usually runs the path of:

1. Compunction: conviction of sin
2. Confession & reconciliation: usually both personal and sacramental
3. Penance: making some act that turns the heart more completely toward sorrow for sin and connects us to the forgiveness of Christ on the Cross.
4. Restitution: putting right the wrong done by the sin

The only problem that I had with this beautiful testimony is that it left the impression that sterilization was a necessary step in being forgiven for the sin. I think the wife even told the priest that she could not accept Christ’s forgiveness until she got the tubal ligation reversed. The fact is that sterilization reversal is major surgery, and like all major surgery carries a very large risk. The risk of life outweighs the evil of the sin enough to make sterilization reversal extraordinary restitution. Extraordinary restitution is not required for forgiveness. Let me say that again. Those who have been sterilized do not need to go through major surgery to have their sterilizations reversed before they can be forgiven by Christ.

That is to take nothing away from the experience and personal convictions of this couple. In the privacy of a couple’s own conscience, the Holy Spirit may lead a couple to undergo heroic measures of restitution. This is especially the case when further conversion is necessary. Some are indeed called to extraordinary restitution.

As the husband continued the story, he shared that while his wife struggled with the choice to have her fallopian tubes tied, he internally rejoiced in his wife’s sterilization. Furthermore, while his wife became convicted that sterilization was wrong, he was enjoying the sex without consequences and the higher standard of living he was able to have with only two children. Obviously, God had more work to do on his heart. I believe that the Holy Spirit did indeed call this couple to extraordinary restitution to complete the husband’s conversion from selfishness to generous love.

In the end, God did bless their conversion toward life with new life. They had another child and have learned to accept the risks of pregnancy and the rigors and joys of parenthood in truly selfless love.

On the other hand, I know a couple in the same situation who underwent a similar conversion who decided that they were not called to sterilization reversal. Their conversion and dedication to life is no less complete. The Holy Spirit did not call this couple to extraordinary restitution because their conversion to life was complete without it.

Sterilization reversal is extraordinary restitution. When extraordinary restitution is necessary to complete one’s conversion, the Holy Spirit will call us to it. If he does not call us to it, we are not required to make extraordinary restitution. We need to discern the call of the Holy Spirit in our own hearts. However, we must be careful not to be misled by scrupulosity on one hand or by selfishness and a desire for the easy way out on the other hand. The Christian life is one of balance and careful discernment. But it is always a life led by love.

End Note

^TThere is no doubt that sterilization is morally wrong. However, the woman who gave the testimony may have fallen victim to a misunderstanding of what constitutes a sin. It seems to me through her story that the pressures to get herself sterilized were great. The greatest influence was perhaps the voice of the professional as her doctor told her that sterilization was necessary to save her life. A person is only culpable for sin to the degree that she knows that it is evil and freely chooses it anyway. Her story indicated that she did not have true knowledge of the evil, and that she was practically coerced into the decision. Therefore, while the procedure is still gravely evil, she was probably not guilty of actual sin. Once she gained the knowledge, she chose against the sterilization in the form of remorse for her action. That choice was true contrition. I got the sense that this woman carried with her some unnecessary guilt. On the other hand, God used her guilt to bring her healing, not only of her body but also of her heart.

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These people would be wrong. The very opposite can be proven from Aquinas’ own thought processes. However, additional proof comes in a more mystical and very surprising way.

Catholic News Agency reported on the conversion of an abortionist in Serbia:

The Spanish daily “La Razon” has published an article on the pro-life conversion of a former “champion of abortion.” Stojan Adasevic, who performed 48,000 abortions, sometimes up to 35 per day, is now the most important pro-life leader in Serbia, after spending 26 years as the most renowned abortion doctor in the country.

“The medical textbooks of the Communist regime said abortion was simply the removal of a blob of tissue,” the newspaper reported. “Ultrasounds allowing the fetus to be seen did not arrive until the 80s, but they did not change his opinion. Nevertheless, he began to have nightmares.”

In describing his conversion, Adasevic said he “dreamed about a beautiful field full of children and young people who were playing and laughing, from 4 to 24 years of age, but who ran away from him in fear. A man dressed in a black and white habit stared at him in silence. The dream was repeated each night and he would wake up in a cold sweat. One night he asked the man in black and white who he was. ‘My name is Thomas Aquinas,’ the man in his dream responded. Adasevic, educated in communist schools, had never heard of the Dominican genius saint. He didn’t recognize the name.”

“Why don’t you ask me who these children are?” St. Thomas asked Adasevic in his dream.

“They are the ones you killed with your abortions,” the Dominican saint told him.

“Adasevic awoke in amazement and decided not to perform any more abortions,” the article stated.

Saint Thomas Aquinas in a mystical vision that results in the conversion of a major abortionist? Can there be any doubt that God is behind us?

Saint Thomas, please pray for us.

Guide to Saint Thomas Aquinas by Josef Pieper.

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