These past weeks have been filled with concerns and worries. These concerns and worries don’t seem to touch our children at all. Yet they weigh heavily on my hearts and minds. Of course, this is how it should be. This is exactly what the Church means when it teaches that the innocence of children must be protected (most people see the term “innocence” in a purely sexual context — this is not the way the Church defines the term). Children are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually unable to handle the stress of the adult world in a Fallen world. By protecting them from this stress, we give them a chance to mature so that they are able to handle it by the time they are old enough to start taking on the responsibility.

Of course, as I watch their carefree play, I began to get a little jealous. Why can’t I be that carefree? Then it struck me that this is exactly the desire expressed in humanistic psychological philosophies. Philosophies such as Transactional Analysis Theory have made us believe that a healthy adults is able to recapture the carefreeness of childhood, and that being weighed down by adult concerns is a sign of psychological dysfunction. The more I thought about this the more ridiculous I felt about being jealous of my children. Humanistic psychology has proven to be untenable. It just doesn’t work. When adults try to be carefree in a Fallen world, we tend to become careless instead. When we try to reclaim our childhood we just end up hiding from reality.

Indeed, God’s design is for human beings to grow into what He has planned for us to become. Childhood is a preparation for adulthood — earthly life is a preparation for eternal life. All the while we are meant to grow in our capacity to love. So, what is in this desire to recapture our childhood that the gloomy adult world may be missing? What does God want to develop us into as adults that is reflected in the carefree play of childhood? Certainly God’s plan stands in opposition to the two extremes:

Humanism that would have us stick our heads in the sand and ignore evil, embracing a carefree childish attitude that ignores our responsibilities as adults

“Realism” that sees only the evils in the world and believes that all joy is nothing more than wishful thinking

The Christian is called to a balance. We must face the realities of this world, including the sinfulness and the evil that is was brought about by original sin. However, we face these evils knowing that good wins in the end. We faced them with joy, hope, and love. In that sense we can recapture some of the carefree joy of childhood. If we are not living in joy, hope, and love, we are missing out on what God has planned for our adulthood lives.

Joy is more than happiness. It is a deep-seated satisfaction that our lives have significance and meaning. The difference between the innocence of childhood and the joy of adulthood is that the innocence of childhood exists in oblivion to the evil around us, while the joy that occurs in adulthood often exists despite needing to face that evil.

Joy is the fruit of hope. Hope is trust in God. We trust that He will remain true to His promises to make all things right in the end — to bring about His Kingdom. We have hope in His power to bring good out of evil.

Love is the very life of God — the power to freely give ourselves as gifts to others for the sake of their good. When we love others, we are willing to face the evil that comes our way, and even to sacrifice good things that we may have coming to us for their sake. Love is strengthened by hope, and love is what makes our lives significant and meaningful, bringing us joy.

These are three of the elements that the innocence of childhood prepare us for and grow into. In the end, joy, hope and love are better than carefree innocence. If we are not living these three fruits of grace and maturity in our adult lives, we are missing out on what God has planned for us.

Like I said, it’s amazing what thoughts come to me as I mow the lawn.

Related Links:

• Do you know of good links related to this post? Let me know by leaving a comment!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

So, a quick review: one problem I have with The Shack is the idea that it makes it appear that God wants us to completely surrender our self-will to God and rely on His will alone. While I agree that the main goal of the Christian’s life is to submit his will to the will of God, in the fullness of truth is ever-paradoxical. God calls us to submit our wills to His by exercising our free will – by freely choosing to make His will our will rather than passively surrendering ourselves to God’s will. As C.S. Lewis puts it in the Screwtape Letters, God wants us to surrender our will to His, only to give it back to us in ultimate freedom.

Do I sound like I’m splitting hairs here? An illustration will make my point clearer.

I have been reading / reviewing used books for the Bookstore. I came across Journey Without End by Carlo Carretto, an insightful mixture of pro-life teaching, mystical experience and spiritual direction. The only real problem I have with the book is that the author takes a strong stance against Natural Family Planning. Fortunately, the author is not in favor of contraception. Rather, he is opposed to any attempt to regulate births within a marriage. However, his position on NFP has many of the same problems as the anti-institution arguments made in The Shack.

This quotation reflects the core of his position.

‘I don’t hold with the Billings meth~d, I don’t hold with those who exclusively study the method but neglect reading
the Bible – which teaches how much God loves life and wants o ~r~pagate it and how his providence lovingly watches over each life, over every human being – and so contrive by artifice and selfishness to frustrate the programming done by God. My mother, I heard it said at home, w~s very regular in her cycles and always had her temperature just right.

‘In a word then, with this well-tried method, I should never have come into the world at all.

‘Morality would have been intact, but the divine programming designed to bring me to birth would have been mocked by my mother’s scheming and selfishness.

· cAs luck would have it, she got her sums wrong and 1 was born all the same; yes, I was born.

‘I was lucky enough to be born, though entirely by mistake, with the full consecration of ~morali;y.

cy ou can see these methods aren’t any good, since they get believers used to paying more attention to morality than to love, more to the act than to the intention.

‘In a word, the methods make them self-centred.

‘Wouldn’t it be better to promote faith in God, the hope that he is the true Father, that there’s no need to be afraid of babies, that food won’t run out since God is almighty?

. . .

‘When God programmes the birth of a baby, it’s better to trust absolutely and totally in him.

Like The Shack, this book sets up a false dichotomy between morality and love. Legalism is the error of following the moral law without love, but properly understood morality and love are one and the same thing. The Church is the way the Holy Spirit now guides us to moral truth, which guides us to love. The Church says that Natural Family Planning is in harmony with selfless love, as long as it is used for the proper (unselfish) reasons. Those proper (unselfish) reasons fall under the realm of responsible parenthood.

Yes, we are called to trust in God’s providence. That is where morality calls us to generosity in love. However, God always deals with us as free beings – not seeing freedom as a necessary evil, but seeing it as the way He created us to reflect His image. We are to seek God’s will by use of our free will to pray, discern, and reason what the greatest good is in each situation.

God, should we have another child right now?

• Pray about it and be open to God’s voice
• Evaluate your physical resources – finances, physical space, etc. – with consideration of the good of your family (not selfish desires to hoard physical goods for yourself)
• Evaluate your psychological resources – stress levels, etc
• Remind yourself that you are called to self-sacrifice and generosity in love
• Make a reasoned, prayerful decision based on what is good for your family

It’s not either free will or God’s will; it’s not either morality or love. Truth is most often both and. We are created and called to use our intellect and our will to seek God’s will and to follow Him as free, loving persons.

Check out the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis! Highly recommended! Click on the image to go to the bookstore.

Despite my disagreement with the author about NFP, I do recommend this book as a wonderful perspective on abortion. Only one available (used). Click on the image to go to the store.

Related Links:

• Do you know of good links related to this post? Let me know by leaving a comment!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

At my wife’s family’s Christmas celebration the kids are turned loose at a designated time and everyone rips into their gifts in an atmosphere of joyful chaos. Adult eyes are everywhere, watching our own children opening gifts, trying to watch for our nieces and nephews opening the gifts we got them, watching our children try to steal their cousins’ toys, receiving words and hugs of thanks all at the same time.

At my own family’s Christmas celebration, everyone receives their gifts and then we take turns opening one gift at a time. So one person opens one gift, shows it to everyone, says thank you (with words – hugs come later), and then the next person opens one gift. The children get a little antsy to be able to open their gifts, but they do enjoy watching everyone else open theirs (and have to be reigned in once in a while when their desire to help gets a little overbearing). It takes a very long time to get through all of the gifts, and we’re usually hot and tired afterward. But the ritual is accomplished with much eating and much laughter.

I then ask the audience, at which celebration would you rather be the giver of the gift? Despite the fact that my description of my parents’ celebration always seems more boring than the actual event, the audience invariably chooses it over the celebration of my in-laws. Why? Because everyone is watching the recipient of the gift open it, taking the time to see what the gift is, taking time to appreciate it together, and sharing in the love behind it. Even gag gifts make their way into this ritual, signifying our knowledge of each other and an appreciation of our family’s collective sense of humor. The giver of the gift is appreciated at least as much as the gift itself.

Teaching our children to receive gifts well perhaps needs to go beyond reminding them to say “Thank you.” It may require parents to teach their children how to

• recognize gifts that come in not-so-obvious forms that might otherwise go unappreciated
• appreciate the meaning behind certain gifts, “This was your grandfather’s carving knife. He gave it to you because he hopes you’ll enjoy wood carving as much as he did.”
• take the time to appreciate one gift before rushing on to another
• learn how to appreciate gifts that were not on the wish list
• learn how to accept disappointing gifts with graciousness and love

The main idea is to teach our children that the gift is a sign of love from the giver. The gift is meant to be enjoyed, but the giver of the gift should be appreciated and loved more. Think of the implications of teaching our children the art of receiving a gift well. Especially when they realize that all created goods are gifts from God, given to us as signs of His love.

What would it mean to move through life enjoying the gifts, but loving the Giver more? It would mean living a life of supernatural temperance. Temperance as a natural virtue helps us to find a balance in the enjoyment of physical goods and pleasures that is healthy for us spiritually and physically. Supernatural temperance adds to that healthy balance the awareness that every physical good and pleasure is imbued with the meaning of the love of God. When we focus on the Giver more than the gift, we are able to enjoy the gift even more because we receive both the goodness of the gift and the love of the Giver.

The implications for human relationships are the same. We would interact with others in an attitude of gratitude and love, recognizing all the ways that they offer themselves as gifts to us (and, of course, returning the gift of love in service to them as well). Battling selfishness and greed would be made easier by the enjoyment of the love of neighbor.

The implications for chastity are amazing. What would it mean to see sex within our romantic relationships as a gift? What would it mean to receive that gift well, to focus on the love of the giver more than on the gift itself? Sex before marriage would be seen as ripping into the gift early, without regard to the giver (since it does not yet reflect the true commitment of married love). However, the gift of one’s sexuality (the ability to give and receive love as a man or as a woman – which extends beyond the act of sex or even the context of romance) would be shared in the context of true love. Sex within marriage would be seen as a mutual gift of love, not just a means to pleasure. Of course, the pleasure is enjoyed as well – and even more since it comes with the awareness and sharing of love.

Focusing only on the gift (materialism) offers only temporary and incomplete happiness. Focusing on the giver leads to enjoyment of the gift, plus appreciation of the love of the giver. What a beautiful way to live our lives.

Check out these books at the From the Abbey bookstore about giving and receiving love.

Crystal Star Angel is about a boy who wins a special gift by discovering the true meaning of love. This is a great book for teaching children about giving and receiving gifts. This is a Christmas story.

Divine Pity explicitly makes the argument about supernatural temperance and the importance of loving the giver more than the gift.

[ad#seasonal]

Related Links:

• Do you know of good links related to this post? Let me know by leaving a comment!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

We can certainly see this trend in modern culture. Those who take the world too seriously and have no humor include the “hate crime police.” These descendants of the politically correct crowd tolerate no humor about any group of people they deem “persecuted.” I’m not promoting humor that occurs at the expense of another’s dignity. I’m talking about the kind of humor that is rooted in a people’s ability to laugh at themselves and then to allow others to join in that laughter. Such humor is rare today.

Those who refuse to take anyone seriously include the “free sex” crowd. These people want sexual pleasure without the serious task for which sex was created – the task of bearing and caring for children. They define freedom as the ability to do whatever you want (personal autonomy) as free from consequences as possible.

The Catholic life is one of balance. In this case, we are called to enjoy life – to laugh, to love, to receive the goodness of Creation. However, we are also called to take certain things very seriously – the well being of others, the consequences of our choices, our physical and spiritual health, our salvation and the salvation of others. Such a balance ensures that we receive the fullness of the goodness of life. Jesus emphasizes this balance – this paradox – in His own teachings. “Blessed are those who mourn.”

Related Links:

• Do you know of good links related to this post? Let me know by leaving a comment!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Study Links Gene Variant in Men to Marital Discord – washingtonpost.com.

Now, are you ready for my response? Here it comes . . .

So what?

Frankly, from what I know of my own fallen manhood, I have to admit surprise at the correlating finding – there may be some men out there who are actually genetically predisposed to fidelity and harmony! Now, that’s news.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be so flippant. What is worthy about this story is the interpretation of some of the scientists. Whereas many in the media immediately want to jump to biological determinism, these scientists refused to do so. In fact, one scientist made a very Catholic statement:

“There are many ways this information can help a man and his wife when they marry,” said Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University who studies romantic love. “Knowing there are biological weak links can help you overcome them.

A man who knows he has this allele, she added, might be able to use the knowledge to ignore tugs of restlessness he might feel in his marriage: “You can say, ‘Oh, it is just my DNA, and I am going to ignore it.’”

Knowledge (the human intellect) allows us to control(the human will) our biological predispositions (the sensitive appetites). St. Thomas Aquinas teaches us that this is the formula for a truly human personality.

As I read this statement, I began to wonder why such statements are not made about other biological impulses. The modernist-spawned tolerance movement refuses to accept such a formula for homosexuals. For the modernist, to act against a biological predisposition to same-sex attraction is to deny part of who you are. In Catholic thought, to approach such a drive with knowledge (about the true nature of sexuality, about the possible causes of such an attraction in his or her life) and self-control (chastity, choosing to try to overcome the biological drive) is actually to truly become who you are.

Learn more about biological determinism and find out why it is wrong. Read this book from the Abunga family-friendly bookstore.

[ad#determinism]

Related Links:

• Do you know of good links related to this post? Let me know by leaving a comment!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.